From the outside rugby looks like 1 bloke pushing 2 blokes up 3 other blokes’ backsides as they have a kind of reverse tug-of-war with the opposition. Then to make it interesting a little bloke introduces the ball into this mass of legs. Occasionally, inevitably, someone slips or trips over the ball or something, which upsets the ref who gives the other team a kick and tells the bloke who fell over to stay on his feet in future.

“Yes, sir” (I love the way they call him sir.)

If the ball does come out the little bloke picks it up and ducks off like a robber’s dog. Now they tell me there is a thing called the advantage line, you can’t see it but it is basically where the play began. This little bloke runs up towards it but the opposition seem pissed off with him and line him up for an assault. He passes the ball back to the next smallest bloke on his side who runs up towards this invisible advantage line, and seeing the welcome committee on the other side he passes the ball back to a bloke somewhat bigger and faster. So it goes as the ball moves to blokes bigger and faster until finally it comes to the quickest bloke on the team, but he has no room to work with so he puts the boot into it. On the other team a bloke catches it but he can hear the thunder of approaching boots so he offloads the ball as if it is a hot potato. His mate catches it and agrees, so he boots it back. “We don’t want it. You guys have it.” Well this goes on for a while until either by accident or design the ball goes into the crowd and we can all relax a little. In Aussie Rules an umpire now throws the ball back into the field but owing to rugby’s amateur roots they do this themselves. And whereas Aussie rules has 1 big bloke from either side to contest the throw in, rugby have about 8 each! Much fairer.

After many minutes of what looks a lot like a street brawl, half the blokes are bleeding, some even run on to the field already bandaged up in anticipation! Some look like they have just had brain surgery! Maybe they have, “It was only a flesh wound.” Talk about tough! These are the toughest guys in the world, don’t get me wrong. Buck Shelford famously had his scrotum ripped open during a game and had it stitched up on the sideline and ran back on! In case you are wondering his lolly bag is apparently in good order, you can see it here on the cover of his biography.But what gets me is that after 15 minutes of confused kicking and all in brawling the referee suddenly appears and explains that this bloke was about 6 inches the wrong side of an invisible line so the other blokes can go for a 3 pointer. WHAT!?

But rugby can inspire passion like no other. Look at these 2 Irish supporters

And rugby people are the friendliest supporters. Being Australian surrounded By Kiwis in Ireland once, I could not have been in better or more convivial company. I got to meet legends such as Brian Lochore and Andy Haden. What great blokes! Don’t get me started about rugby or I won’t stop. You won’t understand it but you will love it if you go.